2/25 – Revision

February 21, 2019

As you continue to work on your essay, I would like you to write a short letter (300-500 words) describing your revision process, to include with your final paper. In this letter, you should:

– restate your thesis or argument, explaining why it is (1) arguable, that is, an interpretation that someone could disagree with; (2) a narrow, textual argument about the poem; and (3) an interpretation that could be convincingly be supported by textual evidence.

– describe the reaction to your essay by your partner or partners during the peer review, and the changes you have made to your essay because of your conversation.

– describe any other changes you make to your draft, and the reasons you have made them.

– tell me what you thought about the whole writing process. How comfortable do you feel with this essay assignment? In what ways do you perhaps feel unprepared, or still unsure?

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13 Responses to “2/25 – Revision”

  1.   Wenhui Ding said:

    My thesis is that metaphors reduce the cognitive load in two successive ways of describing warfare. If anyone were to argue about this thesis, they could say that metaphors might not work effectively. Or, they can argue that metaphors would be best at describing other terms. My thesis is not a definite answer but rather an open answer to stimulate discussions around this topic. If anyone else were to prove my thesis they could easily find some relative articles on how visions work and its difference to other senses. Having read those papers, different people may have different conclusions. They could argue that personification works perfectly.
    My partner said that my essay contains a lot more details. It is easy to understand to my essay. I think that I may need to focus on the main purpose more. Some of my sentences may deviate from the thesis. Also, my partner says that my ending is a lot weaker than my main body. I have to admit that I was not quite ready to write a comprehensive ending at that time. I have not sorted my ideas in a clean way to produce a complex end. I would expand or more progressively rewrite my ending.
    I would also change my thesis. Because my current thesis is too board for my content in the main body. I would reduce some unnecessary parts. The thesis would be much focused and narrow.
    When I was writing this essay, I felt that it is hard to produce some comprehensive thesis which has a narrow focus as well. It is difficult to keep focused during the process of writing the main body. Deviance from the thesis would common. My thoughts go beyond the thesis so many times so that I have to pull them back very often. Despite I try to be focused, some of the deviance may not be obvious to me at this point. I hope I could improve my essay during the following days.

  2.   jennifer gavilanes said:

    In my essay I state Brecht’s purpose of the poem. He intends to give out closed truths in society and history. How he views history throughout the poem is build up of questions in which he expresses them all as history being very unfair and believing that credit should be given to those who deserve it, who are the working people and not only the Rulers. This is arguable because not everyone may agree that this is the point he’s making and maybe he is just using sarcasm to joke about history. It may not mean that he’s mad or against history. And some may say that its not ironical. However to me this poem is very ironical and the point he is making is very critiqueful. He states in the poem In stanza 20-21 he states “Frederick the second won the seven years’ War, Who else won it? He’s saying that not only did Frederick win but so did the soldiers who actually fought for war. An example that this is what he means is, “The young Alexander conquered India, was he alone?” (Stanza 14-15). But not only did Alexander do that on his own he also had help from armies which means that only because his name appears in history he gets all the recognition, but that is not the “correct” history. The armies deserve the same success as he does is the point he tries to make.
    When I did peer review my partner was easily able to understand clearly my thesis and what i was deeply analyzing and arguing. However i felt as if i was being repetitive but my partner told me that I wasn’t but there were words i could change and perhaps restate differently. That is what I did and i changed the layout of some paragraphs tand tried not to summarize but to deeply analyze what he meant and give outside information that could relate to the poem.
    This writing assignment was straight forward not complicated, I liked how it was an arguable yet informative essay. The only problem i encountered was being able to not sound so repetitive when i had to be in a way. I tried making my essay the least repetitive yet in a way making each paragraph follow the next.

  3.   Rose Fattakhov said:

    After trying to answer this question about my thesis, I realized that I do not have a clear-cut thesis and, in my essay, I end up just analyzing the poem without answering the prompt. Even though I do not have an outlined thesis, I do have an interpretation that can be supported by textual evidence.

    I was told that my thesis is not so clear, which I see now, and I will definitely try to fix. Also, I mention rhetorical devices in my introduction, but never really address them much in the entire essay. Only once in the second paragraph. In addition, my partner was not sure what the main idea was because the majority of the essay was analysis and evidence. Lastly, I was told that I had a good analysis and there was enough evidence and it was convincing.

    I tried to make my draft less of a summery and analysis of the poem and interpret more of my poetic experience.

    The writing process was definitely on the challenging side for me because I had gotten used to straight up analyzing poems in my previous literature classes, but this was slightly different, and it was hard to stem away from that. Also, I knew handing in my draft that it was on the weaker side because I did have trouble writing it and keeping my thoughts together. I didn’t really understand the prompt, so I was kind of choosing what to write about from the prompt and leaving some things out. Although, when revising my paper I will try to pay more attention to what is being asked of me instead of taking the easy way out.

  4.   Ayoub Janah said:

    My thesis for this essay is how war may be interpreted differently in a way that may shape our ideas of what war really is. We may know war as something that we should honor and understand the suffering that many soldiers face throughout their lives everyday. And the author Wilfred Owen tries to state his experiences. But relatively notes to his readers that even though he tries they are just getting a little glimpse of what war actually is. He uses literary devices, repetition, symbolism, metaphors, etc. But yet at the end he addresses how war is something that readers will never understand until they experience it for themselves. It’s arguable as some may say this suffering is really nothing since patriotism is stronger. Glory and honor is stronger than the trauma that is faced. But It’s more of how society may define it differently. Each person’s poetic experience will be different and that is what targets this very thesis. Each readers will have a different interpretation of what war really is. Textual evidence is easily supported by this very thesis. As Wilfred Owen strongly uses “gas shells” and the drowning of this very gas as a way of how he feels. He explains to us what he sees but we could only see a small glimpse of it. Later he goe son to say how this gas is running through the soldiers skin consuming him into the trauma of war. How he may taste death because of the old lie that gets passed down to generations. The youth is brainwashed into thinking about the desperate glory that is needed but forget about the negative aspects of war. During the peer review that I had, my peer Brian has given me advice on how to strengthen this very essay. Not being so clear with the thesis and a few grammar mistakes were pointed out. My first paragraph just brings up the topic of how war is interpreted differently but doesn’t fully bring up my thesis of how war needs to be experienced in order to understand how it feels like. I will need to make my thesis more clear and understandable for readers. Also, I guess separating a few of the long paragraphs that I have wrote. This will help with the structure of my essay. The whole writing process was alright, it could’ve been better as maybe reviewing my essay for mistakes. But also finding a better thesis. I personally feel like I could’ve done better with the thesis of my essay. And created a deeper contextual meaning that will summarize the poem into a universal theme that is arguable.

  5.   Terry Chen said:

    My thesis about the poem “Dulce et Decornum Est” was that the trauma Owen experienced during World War 1 lead to his unique use of diction and rhyme scheme. This is arguable because this format could be just Owen’s unique way of writing poetry. Perhaps the poem isn’t caused by trauma but rather how war poetry is written or styled. Furthermore, my interpretation of the line “And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime” could be different from someone else considering that I didn’t account for the word “lime” in my interpretation. I believed that the word “lime” was used for rhyming purposes but others could disagree. Others could argue that this poem isn’t as unique but rather it’s just a story of how war was like. For example, “Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!” is a dialogue which would suggest that it’s a scene of a story.
    My partner’s initial reaction was that my paper had a nice transition and flow which made it easier to comprehend. During our conversation, it occurred to me that I need to be more detailed during my interpretations. Additionally, a conclusion that would summarize and wrap up everything would be helpful for my argument. Moreover, I’ve notice that my paragraphs are a little lengthy so I decided to divided into separate parts so that it doesn’t seem wordy for the reader.
    The whole writing process was complicated and uncomfortable. The ability to stay on task and not stray away from the topic was especially hard. Additionally, trying to answer the prompt instead of just simply interpreting the poem was also hard. However, being able to learn and find new things about the poem was satisfying and exciting. In order to learn more about the poem additional research was necessary to understand more about the setting and author. Writing this paper I felt very unprepared and ignorant considering that poetry is a very complex topic and I had no idea what the author was talking about.

  6.   Matthew Outar said:

    Through my interpretation of Wilfred Owen’s Dulce De Decornum Est, I decided to focus mainly on the figurative language in this poem. As I read this poem the heavy reliance on similes and metaphors significantly enhanced my experience. Since I believe Owen’s purposely used this figurative language to create immersive imagery to aid in the readers understanding of something so indescribable such as war I decided to focus my essay on this. My thesis stated that Owen’s intricate development of figurative language throughout his poem exposed the so-called glorious nature of war and is vital in enriching the poetic experience of this piece. I believe my thesis is arguable because not everyone has the same interpretation of a piece and someone might see another aspect of this poem as the most important element. Throughout the poem figurative language and imagery constantly work together which is why it can continuously be supported by textual evidence. I believe this coincides with the fact that he uses this intense imagery to expose the harshness of war. It’s almost as if it’s so horrific he’s trying to tell the reader, you have to see it to believe it. My peers gave me very good and positive feedback on my essay during the revision process. Their helpful comments and suggestions continue to shape the revision of my essay. Also, reading their essays was also helpful because it gave me insight onto how other people interpreted their selected poems. This gave me the opportunity to reflect upon my own piece and question my argument. I still am unsure if the focus of my essay is too broad and if I should focus on a narrower subject. However, overall I felt relatively comfortable with this essay assignment especially after our heavy interpretation of poems in class. This help me really look at the poem through a more critical lens and also enhanced the poetic experience we discussed.

  7.   Navneet Kaur said:

    My thesis for my paper is that the poet used his writing to express his anger and show the horrors of a soldiers life. I believe that this thesis was clearly developed with the help of Sassoon utilizing many literary techniques that thoroughly developed the points that he wanted to get across. Although this was just my opinion many people can argue that Sassoon was trying to just show the soldiers lifestyle and wasn’t angry. Although the tone of the poem definitely supported the anger Sassoon tried to portray.
    When my classmate reviewed my paper he mentioned that the slight background information that I put was good but not essential to the paper. I agree with this statement he made and I think I should work on that and try to incorporate it in my thesis. I think I will make the change of taking out the historical details and try to just briefly mention it while giving a tad bit of history. I think this will be beneficial because just as my classmates said it will start off with the paper and not beat around the bush while putting information that really doesn’t matter.
    When writing this essay I think the most difficult thing for me to do was the developing of an introduction. I could seem to think of an effective way to introduce the thesis as well as the poem without it being boring. Because of this struggle, I put a little historical context that I think wasn’t the best. I will try to revise the intro as much as possible and try to make it hooking and interesting as well. Not only will I revise this but I think I will also try o incorporate the use of better transition words to smooth the low throughout the paper. After these changes, I hope to make my essay better and justify the poem thoroughly.

  8.   Stephanie Simondac said:

    The poem I chose to focus my paper on was Questions from a Worker Who Reads by Bertolt Brecht. I decided to chose this poem because I had previously read and analyzed it in class, which I found very interesting. It caught my attention because I don’t get to read much poems targeting history. The thesis of my paper is that this poem strives to raise awareness and recognition to those who deserve credit for their contributions. I believed that this poem acts as a voice for the all the oppressed minorities, slaves, workers, civilians, soldiers, and etc. throughout the years. I honestly believe that I am correct and that my thesis is clearly being portrayed throughout the poem. I don’t think people will argue with my thesis but if anything they would probably just add more analysis to what I have done. After reading my peers comments about my essay it made me feel confident with my work because I genuinely thought it was not my best. However, after reading my peer’s feedback it felt rewarding to find out that my thesis was clear and my choice of evidence was appropriate. While rereading my paper I mostly changed grammatical mistakes, and correct any wrong punctuations. I honestly love having my paper read because I usually become blinded and cannot recognize my mistakes. I always think I am being unclear with my writing and that I can always further explain my claims. In my head I know that I can be more specific and do it better but sometimes I just can’t notice them which is why I like it when others read my work.

  9.   Natalia Paredes said:

    In my new thesis for this essay, I decided to change the feature from metaphor to imagery because the imagery in this poem creates ambiguity. The true meaning of the rose presented in the poem is debated between the idea of the change in the presentation of women in the early twentieth century and a simple descriptive account of something the author experienced. This thesis is arguable because there are two ways to see this poem: First, you have the literal way were the image of the rose does not have any deeper meaning, the rose is just a simple rose. And the other way is by thinking of the rose as if it was a woman, a hard but in a way a very unique woman in the early twentieth century because that was when the poem was written. I chose to interpret the poem as if the rose was a woman.
    I did not have a partner to check my essay, so I did it myself. When I re-read my essay, I found many flaws in it. First, my thesis was not strong enough, also it was kind of hard to find the feature at first sight. The metaphor in my poem was kind of implied instead of showing itself literary in different lines of the poem, thus I prefer to use imagery as the feature. Also, I have to organize my ideas better, I have to find a way to make them connect and feel smoother throughout the poem.
    I will work on my introduction because I see it needs to be more appealing to caught my audience attention, also I feel it is kind of bland, and it needs some work. Topic sentences need work too because they do not introduce the upcoming paragraph enough.
    This essay was weirdly hard for me. At the beginning of it I wrote several pages of outlines, but when it was time to write it, I just could not find a coherent way to combine the ideas together. Moreover, while I was trying to find a way to combine my ideas, the actual prompt of the essay became more and more confusing. After all this, I can say I feel more prepared for this essay, and everything is clear now.

  10.   Dejun Gao said:

    My poem is about the war, the thesis is how cruel the war is and the self-sacrificing spirit of the soldier. This is arguable because someone might this that the soldier is going to the war because they are soldiers and the country is at war so they have to fight for the country without chose.
    My partner after reading the poem thinks that the soldiers are going to the war because they have the self-sacrificing spirit, they know they might be killed in the war but they know if they don’t fight it, their family will in danger, their country will in danger, therefore, the soldiers are fighting the war even though they know how cruel the war will be and they will be replaced just like the leaves in autumn. At first, I did’t think that much, I thought this is a poem about the war, I never thought it from the soldiers’ angle.
    At first, I didn’t know how to start the essay, because I never write a essay about the poem, I was struggled a while, as I started, the whole writing process was very smooth, I finished whose essay by one time. But until now, I still don’t know how should I start with the introduction of a essay about poem.

  11.   Rawdah Rahim said:

    In my essay I address the poem’s , “Not Waving But Drowning” use of the central metaphor of the false understanding that the speaker is waving while he is actually calling out for help as he is drowning. My thesis is a clear, narrow and is strong enough to be supported by the text itself. I explain how this metaphor contributes to the miscommunication between society and individuals. My thesis is an arguable one because one might disagree with the interpretation that I present of miscommunication and the meaning behind the waving.
    During the peer review, my partner had stated that I had presented my thesis clearly and used proper evidence. I also bought up some points that she had not even thought of when first reading the poem on her own, but she suggested that I focus on those points and extend them by providing supporting evidence to emphasize those points and strengthen my argument. I have looked through my paper and deleted sentences repeat my point that are just rewritten and added evidence to support the points I made about the poem that my partner found interesting. The writing process at first seemed challenging. I did not think that I would be able to write a 4-5 page analysis on one poem and had my fair share of writer’s block throughout the process of writing. But after rereading the poetry packets and choosing one that I was most confident with that related to me the most, my fingers typed away and I actually had to edit some things out because I found myself adding unnecessary details such as relating the poem to the world and using historical details. After peer review and the comments that you gave back on our essays I feel confident about my paper and that I have written it to the best of my ability.

  12.   Alinoor Rahman said:

    When I first wrote this piece, I wanted to create and arguable piece about the poet’s literacy style in general since he used another poet’s poem. However, this argument was subtle enough when given feedback because my thesis statement couldn’t be found. Therefore, I revised the piece to make it subtler towards the thesis statement towards how Pound used his literacy styles of explication, refrain and image to express his thoughts and feelings about war. My thesis statement is, Pound’s poem is a translated poem from Chinese poet Li Po that was remade to express his opinions, feelings, and beliefs about war. This can be arguable as maybe Pound didn’t translate the poem or remade it, etc.

    I had mixed feelings about the feedback because I felt it was being misunderstood and how I was told that I didn’t make sense. Even when the professor gave me a feedback I didn’t like I had to completely readjust my essay to make it more favorable and positive towards the poem. The changes I made in my piece was to address more the concepts of his literacy style towards the argument that he was expressing himself about war through another poet Li Po. The draft was to be adjusted to switching the concept of context I used and make it more about the poem agenda.

    Overall, this piece wasn’t in my overall comfort zone as an essay assignment, and I really thought that using a context piece would have been better than addressing a poem line by line. I guess this made me extremely unsure on how to approach it afterwards but at least I was able to get enough feedback to readjust it better. I still hope it is good enough now as I feel I save some important parts that were acknowledged and used more details towards the poem. I also hope it is arguable and that someone can disagree with it.

  13.   Jason Jiang said:

    After analyzing my essay, I found that I did not have a clear-cut thesis, but instead analyzed the poem. Through analyzing the poem and my essay I was able to create a thesis about why Owen is writing the poem and that is to give the reader a better understanding of what war is like. This is arguable because somebody can say that Owen didn’t write the poem to give the reader a better understanding of what war is like, but instead to tell create a story of how it is not an honor to die for one’s country as the title of the poem suggests.

    I did not have a partner during the peer review, so I have no reaction from my partner, but I was able to exchange ideas with a student about my essay and they said it was interesting and gave me ideas of how I would start my essay along with what I should write about.

    The changes I made to my draft in my final essay is that I added a thesis that is both arguable and strongly supported by the analysis made on the poem. I also added more details by going further into my explanations, although some I didn’t change as I already had a lot of detail in it. I also edited my conclusion to make it fit more with my new thesis and changed a lot of it, so it gives a summary of the body of my essay without going too much into detail. I made these changes as I felt that my conclusion and introduction were very lacking due to my essay missing a thesis and the details are added are to create a stronger support for my analysis.

    The writing process was confusing at first since this is my first time fully analyzing a poem and writing a closed reading about it. But with some research I was able to get on the right track with the only exception being that lack of a thesis. I felt unprepared at first as there were so many poems to choose from and I wanted to choose the right one along with the fact that I had no clue where to start, but I kind of got have an idea of what to do now.

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